Surviving Myself

If you have thoughts of suicide and are reading this, dying is not what you really want. I want you to know that people do love you, you are important, and people truly do care about you. Talk to someone, and don’t give up.  Help is out there.

My child attempted to end their life………….

The worst feeling in the world for a parent is to lose a child. This is even worse when your child wants to die…………

I was recently separated from my wife. It was not a great time by any means. We kept our disagreements civil, but life was in disarray. I naively thought that the kids were handling things well. I knew it was hard on them, I hated that it was.

One of my children had a very difficult time with things. For my child it was a multitude of things. It was school, it was family, and it was depression. The depression had been going on for some time. I was unable to see how much pain my child was in. I didn’t realize the suffering that my child was enduring. I didn’t see it………

When I talked to my child about what was going on and how they were doing. The answer was always the same.

“I’m doing fine” or “It’s OK”

But it wasn’t fine and it wasn’t OK. And I didn’t see it………

I was out in the front yard of our home. I was in the yard playing with my child’s siblings when a car roared into my driveway. A girl jumped out of the car.


I was absolutely dumbfounded. “No” I replied.

“I RECEIVED SOME TERRIFYING MESSAGES………..” She trailed off as she ran into the house.

I immediately knew who she was talking about. I ran into the house with her and found my child in the bathtub. There was an empty bottle of medications on the floor and pills were scattered all around.

My child was crying, in an empty bathtub, trying to die.

We immediately got my child out of the bathtub, loaded my child into the car and drove to the hospital. I carried my child into the emergency room. I told them that my child had taken an unknown amount of the pills and I gave the empty bottle to the doctors.

My child was immediately taken away to the ICU for treatment.

I stood there absolutely shocked. I could not believe what was happening. How could my amazing child, that I was so proud of, want to die? Why did I not see it? How could I have missed it?

The doctors took immediate action to save my child’s life. After they had done everything they could do they put my child in a bed in ICU. They told me

“We have done all we can, now we just have to wait” So I waited………

I waited while my child came in and out of consciousness. I waited while my child asked if they were going to die. I waited while my child cried. I waited while my child told me they did not want to die. I held my child’s hand, and I waited all night beside the bed. Unwilling to leave, unable to move, I spent the night watching my child’s breathing. Praying that my child would keep breathing. Praying that my child would live.

Fortunately my child did live………….

But this was only the beginning of the journey. My child started treatments to help with the depression. We started looking into possible medical issues that may have contributed and got the help of councilors. My child has come a long way since this time. I am so thankful that I get the chance to help my child rebuild their life. That I get the chance to understand the pain my child was going through. I am thankful everyday.

But my child was one of the fortunate ones…….

Many who try suicide are not saved. They never get the opportunity to rebuild the life. They believe life is nothing but despair. They never get a second chance. And so many mothers and fathers, never get the chance to help rebuild their child. So many mothers and fathers only get to bury their child.

If someone you know is going through a difficult time. If someone you know shows any signs. Do not believe them when they say everything is OK, Or they are doing fine. Do not second guess yourself.

Ask for help, because suicide only takes a second, suicide is permanent, and there may never be be another chance.

If you are suicidal and reading this, I want you to know that people do love you, and you are important, and people truly do care about you. Please Talk to someone, we love you, don’t give up.  Help is out there.




Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.