In The End, There is Sorrow

At the end of the weekend……… there is sorrow.

Saturday morning my youngest son comes up to me in bed and pokes me in the eye while I’m still sleeping. “Dad, are you sleeping?” He asks. My intelligent response thought the fog of sleep is “uuuhhhhhggg”

I roll over and look through my watering, bloodshot eye and see the time, 5:58 a.m. Are you kidding me? I again respond “Dooo Youuu knoww whattt ttimee it isss” It was just getting to the good part of the dream. I was in a wind vortex thousands of feet in the air being spun around a snowy mountaintop and a very high rate or speed. I looked down and I was thousands of feet in the air with no parachute. And I could feel that I was about ready to fall as soon as the wind were to slow down. Then I though that I was dreaming and maybe I can fly like Superman and land to safety. I put my arms out. At first it didn’t work but then slowly it started to. It was working, I was flying! I was going to make it and………..

Poke…… “Dad! are you awake? I’m hungry”

So I again open my eyes to see a smaller version of myself one inch away from my face. “Alright, alright, alright, I’ll get up and make pancakes……..and coffee, good Lord I need coffee.”


We played video games, we watched movies, we walked to the park, we dealt with emotional tantrums, we read books for bedtime and we had an epic Nerf gun battle royal that will be spoken about for years to come. I of course was the winner, because I am old and I said!

Then after all is said and done comes the worst part of any weekend I have with “My Crew”. It is the return to the other side. They have to go back to their mom. It is this time that you realize the pain you have put your kids through. Not just the divorce, that was hard enough on them. But now it’s the back and forth, and back and forth between the mother and father. It’s the introduction to the new stepmother and stepfather on opposing sides. It’s the sometimes endless disputes back and forth. It is the threats sometimes that they won’t be able to see their dad.

When the mother comes to get them they are sad to leave, and happy to be back with their mom. A very difficult situation to put young children through. When my children start crying because it will be a while before we see each other, it is all this father can do to stay strong and keep tears from streaking down his face.

I tell them to stay strong, everything will be fine, you can call me anytime. I hug each of them and tell them to call when they get home. Sometimes they will, sometimes they won’t.

After I drop them off and have said goodbye, I look in the rear view mirror and say “Stay strong, everything will be fine, you can call them anytime.” In the end………there is always sorrow.

I put the truck in drive and start home.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. kristianw84 says:

    Aww. My heart breaks for you. I can only imagine how hard that must be for you & everyone involved. Hugs.

    1. James says:

      It is simply the downside to divorce. If both parties understood how things would be, then perhaps the ending could have been different.

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